Counseling Issues

Here are a few areas of particular interest and experience:

Life these days is a complicated process loaded with challenges and obstacles to effective living.  While many of us get fully integrated in the modern way of living in a mindful manner, many more of us do not get insight and information about how to manage our lives among all these advances and devices.

Technology exists to assist us in our lives yet many of us allow it to rule our lives and drive up our anxiety and dependence upon it.  Consider the influence of the “conveniences of life” and how they bring quick and sometimes complete, but often incomplete, satisfaction of your needs.  Think about it… microwave ovens, fax machines, email, insta____, …the list goes on and on, but what we don’t get is frustration tolerance and patience.

How might that need-expectation satisfying dynamic be at play in other areas of your life?  Is it working for you, or is it working you? How can being more mindful in your thoughts, beliefs, actions, choices, and daily living work better for you?

Substance use is a significant presence in our culture these days, now more than ever.  Oregon and the Portland area, in particular, being a mecca of craft-breweries, wine production, marijuana dispensaries, coffee culture, and readily accessible illicit street/prescription drugs can pose a real challenge to effective living.  What is your relationship with any of these substances?  How is that relationship shaping your life, your health, your relationships, and your success/challenges?


What might work better for you?  Too often people fall hard into substance abuse from what started as a lifestyle choice and then became a coping mechanism and then became something they have to/need to/choose to remove entirely from their lives.  There are other paths to problem substance use as well and those require remedy as well.  For some people recovery is the best and most profound experience of their lives.  For others, perhaps some fine tuning and conscious lifestyle habits can replace harmful substance use?  Or maybe there’s a balance point that need be located and incorporated that can work for others?

Relationships afford us the opportunity to learn about ourselves and those we care about/connect with in so many various ways.  The people we bring and keep in our lives plays a tremendous role in shaping who we are and who we become.  In that process of growth, shaping us, and being with others we face lots of challenges and opportunities to learn.
 
Regarding social connection, or disconnection, the experiences of going through the pandemic has influenced us all in many ways, some of which we may not even be aware of.  For some of us, we may have learned to become more self-reliant, become comfortable with ourselves, or come to notice changes that we would be wise to make in our lives.  Or we may have come to recognize the value, or lack of value, some relationships have in our lives and adjust accordingly.  Or perhaps, we fell so deep into ourselves and isolation that we’ve come to accept these states of being and continue to suffer from the consequences that come from lack of healthy social connection.
 
As with all things, the way we think about things shapes the way we feel about those things, and we then behave in alignment with those thoughts and feelings. In our work together, we will explore the connections between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and using the concepts of Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and identify where engagement with some thoughts that lack validity or usefulness brings consequence into your emotional and behavioral experience.
 
We often wonder if we are making the right choice(s), should we stay or should we go, how can I get more for myself in this, how can I get the other to meet my needs, should I be trying to get my needs met in a relationship, etc…  Making relationship choices and maintaining them requires insight, motivation, and commitment.

 

Family relationships are typically profound influences on who we’ve become and who we connect with in our lives going forward. Managing those family issues/relationships and making of them what is best for you is complex process people often struggle in sorting out.  Understanding yourself in your relationship(s) to others is a key element of being better in them, and in life.

Compulsive behavior(s) are ways in which we chose to cope with our life experience.  Much of this is an extension of the “Substance Use” component as compulsive behaviors resemble substance use in some fundamental ways (the reward center of our brain).  There are many other ways people express these compulsive behaviors including; gambling, shopping, sex/pornography, technology/internet, and other life impacting behaviors.  Recognizing your relationship with any of these potentially impactful behaviors can be a valuable life changing process as you can learn ways to alter these behaviors for better living.

Connection to meaning in our life is an essential component of living a full and rewarding life.  Sometimes one, or several, of these above issues drive us away from meaning and keep us distracted from our true-selves.  It may take a long time to recognize you are detached from your sources of meaning and best-self, but once aware the path to reconnection is available and best explored with capable support and skill-building.

There are as many potential challenges as there are grains of sand on the Oregon Coast, and while our work to help you recognize and understand the challenges you may face in your living experience, there may be some that will require referral to other providers/supports (for example-problem gambling-which I’ve received training in but am not a certified problem gambling provider).

“Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself? Tell me why…”     -Neil Young